(Dear Marius) Now You Know (a poem, a dedication)

Dear Marius

Now You Know

Written April 25th, 2011

The tears of Angels

Fall

            Fall

From the great sky

So mighty

Each drop

Slapping me in the face

Stinging my skin

Though they’re so soft

Today

The rain I love

Bites, merciless

I stand here

On the iron tracks

On which I have stood

So many times

My feet have been here

On this very wooden crossbar

So many times

But never

Never like this

I scream

So loud

The air shatters

I’ve never screamed

So loud

No one has

No one has but me

These lonely wet woodlands

Echo my voice back

My broken anguished screams

Lonelier than the midnight train

Overfilled with pain

Never so much pain

In my whole existence

I scream loud enough

So the sky, it hears me

I’m talking to the power

Who lives there

I scream all the way up

Into the utmost atmosphere

So He or She or It will hear

“There had better be

A reason

Or so help me God

I will tear you down

From the skies”

I will keep my promise

I will keep my promise

“Strike me down!”

I scream up

From this mortal ground

“With a bolt of lightning!”

But there is only rain

No thunder

No end for me, so frightening

“You won’t do it!

It’s not my time…”

I want to fall

To my knees

And I want to climb

Past the stars

“But it was his.

It was his.”

I know you’re here

Watching me

Throw a tantrum

Bigger than a hurricane

With enough energy

To turn the world

Upside-down

With more heat

Than the flame

That took you

From my arms

I know you’re here

As the Angels cry

As I am surrounded

By rain

With no relief

And air

With no oxygen

And trees

With no pity

Just echoes

Of my horrific

Demonic wails

Buzzing in my ears

And my only consolation

Is that as you watch

My lungs turn inside-out

As you watch me

Who you thought so strong

Crumble into dust

Is that now you know

How deep

How deep

The well of m heart

Is for you

You took to it

A spade

Called friendship

And dug it worlds deeper

Than I ever thought

It could ever be

Though now you’re ashes

My well

It’s still full of you

And this is where

I’ll escape

To remember you

But not now

Not now

Now, I scream

I scream

And I challenge the one

Who took you from me

But he won’t strike me down

Strike me down!

But the only answer

I receive

Is Angel tears

And the feeling

That you’re beside me

Holding me

Hold me

Don’t let go

Please don’t let me go.

-----

Rest in peace, Michael Hall, the greatest friend I ever had. You will always be my Marius. And I will always be your Cosette.