"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." -Shing Xiong *** "Do not go where the path may lead; instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson *** "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." -G. Randolf *** "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -E.M. Forster *** "Imagnination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein *** Defintion of Suburbia: A place where they cut down trees and name streets after them. -(Unknown, found on sticker) :p *** "A lie goes halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill***"Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly." -Louis Ginsberg ***"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware." -Martin Buber

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Crippled (a poem)

Written May 27th, 2011
Scared and alone here
Surrounded by white
And blinding fluorescent light
Close my eyes against the rising fear
I don’t want to believe it’s true
I can’t see the future anymore
My dreams are dead, my hope buried beneath the floor
Where my leg should be; just hospital sheets colored baby blue
They tell me to keep going, push onward,
But the world has lost its luster, all the colors turn gray
It takes all my strength to rise each day
No one ever prepared me for this, of this pain I’d never heard
I face this new life alone
My passions are dead; I cannot pursue
Useless as a ragdoll, my purposes are few
No one understands, I can hear it in their tone
I sit here now, off to the side, out of the way
Watching others do all the things I can’t do
Chasing my forsaken dreams, bittersweet and terribly true
Holding back tears as I watch other children play
What good am I to the world, with nothing to give?
I’m just the broken toy abandoned to gather dust
Mom holds me close; “You must go on, you must”
But the world has no use for me, a drifting phantom- I no longer live
I am crippled;
Physically, but more so spiritually

This poem came from a dream I had where I lost my leg. It's hard to describe how I felt, all I know is even though it was a dream it was some of the worst pain ever. My dreams were shattered to bits, and I felt useless and like a burden to the world. It broke my heart to see other people going on about their days... oblivious to the lonely abandoned girl sitting off to the side.
It's not mentioned here, but in the dream my leg was sewed back on. But it was mangled, and the knee was messed up. I could barely walk, it was only resewn so I could still feel kinda normal. Idk how realistic that is, but hey, it was a dream. If anything it made it worse, because the leg was so ugly. I was so ashamed. When I woke up I was terrified, then relieved when I realized it wasn't real.
This is my rendition of the pain and loss I felt in that dream.