Crippled (a poem)

Crippled

Written May 27th, 2011

Scared and alone here

Surrounded by white

And blinding fluorescent light

Close my eyes against the rising fear

I don’t want to believe it’s true

I can’t see the future anymore

My dreams are dead, my hope buried beneath the floor

Where my leg should be; just hospital sheets colored baby blue

They tell me to keep going, push onward,

But the world has lost its luster, all the colors turn gray

It takes all my strength to rise each day

No one ever prepared me for this, of this pain I’d never heard

I face this new life alone

My passions are dead; I cannot pursue

Useless as a ragdoll, my purposes are few

No one understands, I can hear it in their tone

I sit here now, off to the side, out of the way

Watching others do all the things I can’t do

Chasing my forsaken dreams, bittersweet and terribly true

Holding back tears as I watch other children play

What good am I to the world, with nothing to give?

I’m just the broken toy abandoned to gather dust

Mom holds me close; “You must go on, you must”

But the world has no use for me, a drifting phantom- I no longer live

I am crippled;

Physically, but more so spiritually

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This poem came from a dream I had where I lost my leg. It's hard to describe how I felt, all I know is even though it was a dream it was some of the worst pain ever. My dreams were shattered to bits, and I felt useless and like a burden to the world. It broke my heart to see other people going on about their days... oblivious to the lonely abandoned girl sitting off to the side.
It's not mentioned here, but in the dream my leg was sewed back on. But it was mangled, and the knee was messed up. I could barely walk, it was only resewn so I could still feel kinda normal. Idk how realistic that is, but hey, it was a dream. If anything it made it worse, because the leg was so ugly. I was so ashamed. When I woke up I was terrified, then relieved when I realized it wasn't real.
This is my rendition of the pain and loss I felt in that dream.