"In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." -Shing Xiong *** "Do not go where the path may lead; instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson *** "Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." -G. Randolf *** "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -E.M. Forster *** "Imagnination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein *** Defintion of Suburbia: A place where they cut down trees and name streets after them. -(Unknown, found on sticker) :p *** "A lie goes halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." -Winston Churchill***"Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly." -Louis Ginsberg ***"All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware." -Martin Buber

Monday, February 28, 2011

(Raise Your Voice) The Dark Secret He Keeps (a poem)

Added to 'Raise Your Voice' collection May 25th, 2011
The Dark Secret He Keeps
No one knows
That he cries softly in his room at night
Muffled in his pillow so his family won’t hear
So they won’t ask questions
They can’t find out
They can’t know

He doesn’t know
What to do himself
What to think
He tells himself it isn’t true
So much he almost believes it
He doesn’t want to know

The boys in class don’t know
How much their words hurt
They’re mean to him intentionally
But they don’t know just how deep
What they say really goes
I’d like to think they’d stop if they knew

There is one who knows
He invited him over one day
I don’t think he meant to let it happen
But all the years of holding it in
He had a moment of weakness
Yes, there is one who knows

Does that one know
How much he envies him
For being able to be himself
How that is what he wants to be
I don’t think even he himself knows

No one knows
How he struggled
After his indulgence with the one
How he had done
What he told himself he couldn’t do
No one knows how he hated himself for it

She doesn’t know
How he forces himself
To smile at her
How he hates himself
For not being able to love her
She doesn’t know how he suffers

No one knows
That he let it happen once
Let alone again
He couldn’t help himself
He had to go back to him again
He didn’t know how powerful it was

He didn’t know
How the more he indulged
The more he would try
To bottle it up
And hide it away
In a place no one knows

He doesn’t know
That the one
He told me everything
There is nothing I can do
Except write this
I know

The boys in class didn’t know
That one day I’d get fed up
With their ignorance
And stand up for him
That I’d send biting words right back at them
No one knew that’s what I’d do

He didn’t know
I’d do that for him
I hope someday
He’ll tell me
The dark secret he keeps
Until then I pretend I don’t know

No one knows
What’s deep inside
What he feels
When he sees that one
When he’s secretly together with that one
The first one to know

He barely knows himself
How happy he is
When he is alone
With that one
With his arms holding him close
Not even that one knows

I know
He’ll be better off
When he comes to terms
And accepts
How can one be happy
When they don’t know oneself?

He doesn’t know
How I want to tell him
That it’s okay
That he can be this way
Be himself, the one he won’t accept
No, he doesn’t know

Until then, no one will know
That he cries softly in his room at night
Muffled in his pillow so no one in the world will hear
So they won’t ask questions
That is my guess
But I still don’t know

            For my friend, who doesn’t know that I know about the dark secret he keeps. I hope someday his secret won’t be so dark, or so secretive. This is not just for him, but for all the guys and girls hiding their sexuality. Shame on the people who make them feel the need to bottle it up. Shame on the people who judge things they don’t understand. I hope someday he’ll tell me about it on his own, but until then all I can do is write about it.